


opportunity cost

by professor



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Consequences, Dissociation, Gen, Heavy Angst, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Multiple, Unreliable Narrator, Violence, fuck around and find out, spoilers through c2e127, written pre c2ep128
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:26:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29729694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/professor/pseuds/professor
Summary: Eadwulf returns from his assignment.
Relationships: Astrid & Eodwulf & Caleb Widogast, Essek Thelyss & Caleb Widogast, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 13
Kudos: 104





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a theory I've had since Astrid revealed in ep126 that the Cerberus Assembly had been following the M9 in Eiselcross.

Caleb does not want to think about the past 24 hours. He wants to find a place to sleep and forget, forget, forget -- if only for a little while.

Their escape had been a near thing. A very near thing. And Astrid, implicated with them, had fled as well, coming to them and demanding sanctuary. A bitter argument had ensued, but it had ended with Astrid still with them, swearing under Zone of Truth that she had no reason to turn herself in and face severe punishment. It was enough for now -- barely.

And then _another_ argument when Astrid had told Wulf to come straight to her, after his assignment, insisting to them that he would be blamed too.

That argument had nearly come to blows, but in the end his family had _begrudgingly_ allowed it, for Caleb’s sake. 

He now hears Astrid’s and Wulf’s muffled voices behind the adjoining door to the next room, in this shitty inn they all have taken refuge in. _Wulf must have finally come back from his assignment_ , Caleb thinks distantly. 

He hopes they can sleep, soon.

That hope is quickly shattered by the sound of screaming -- the adjoining door, slamming open with no one opening it -- a shimmer of Veth dropping her invisibility as she howls with rage, tears streaming down her cheeks as she fires her crossbow blindly back into the other room. 

She’s holding --

She’s holding --

Caleb can’t make his eyes comprehend what he’s seeing. It -- it makes _no sense_. 

Why is Veth holding Essek’s mantle, heavily stained with blood?

A brief second before horrified understanding _slams_ into Caleb.

Wulf. Who was _on assignment_.

Scourgers, following them in Eiselcross.

Essek, a loose end for the Assembly.

A loose end that Eadwulf had -- 

Had --

Caleb has a black marble in his hand before he can even think about it, but Beauregard is quicker, howling with fury and heartbreak as she unleashes a flurry of blows against both of his old -- his _former_ friends. 

The next several seconds are a series of disjointed images -- Yasha, roaring with rage, joining Beauregard in her attacks, Fjord and Caduceus and Jester calling up their magics -- Astrid, grabbing Wulf’s wrist and _teleporting_ them both away --

Caleb finds his mouth shaping the words for _teleport_ himself, so he can chase them, and nevermind that the spell doesn’t work like that he will _make it work like that_ \--

Jester is grabbing his arm and talking very rapidly through her tears “--Caleb we need to get _back_ to the outpost, we need to get his body so we can --”

Veth is shaking her head, “I heard him telling Astrid, I’m sorry Jessie, but he said he _finished the job_ by using _disintegrate_ , there’s no body.” She shakes the mantle for emphasis, and Caleb can see grey dust faintly clinging to it.

And everything

just

stops

*

There’s a howling in Caleb’s ears, and it takes several seconds before he realizes it’s the sound of his own screaming.


	2. Chapter 2

They do go back to the outpost, and are almost attacked on sight.

Even showing the favor of the Bright Queen doesn’t calm tempers, with the whole outpost in an uproar at the death of the Shadowhand.

Only the arrival of a new individual, a drow in ornate armor, calms the situation.

The drow man’s features are achingly familiar, and his eyes are swollen, as though he has recently been crying. He introduces himself as Verin Thelyss, Essek’s brother.

Soon enough, the M9 are seated in a familiar set of chambers, seated where they’d been sitting -- had it only been two days ago? -- with Essek himself. _Two days_. 

“I thank you, for returning my brother’s -- effects,” says Verin, carefully not looking at the bloodstained mantle that Caduceus had solemnly offered to him. “Dare I hope you bring word of the fate of his killer?”

Caleb freezes. He can’t -- he _can’t_ think about this, he _can’t_ \--

“Escaped, we’re afraid,” Fjord steps in. 

“I got him with a couple of good shots,” says Veth. She looks at Verin. “I should have used the poison ones. I’m sorry.”

“Is there a body?” Jester asks faintly. “He said there wasn’t a body, but he could have -- he could have lied?” 

Verin shakes his head regretfully, tearing up again. “Alas, that it were so. If there were, I might consider asking you --” He shrugs. “Well, to do something very illegal, under the light of the Luxon.”

“Is it rude to ask -- he was consecuted, right?” asks Yasha. “He’ll be back, won’t he? We just have to wait.”

That’s right, Essek had told them he was consecuted, hadn’t he? Except --

“I don’t think they have any beacons up here, and you need one for that, don’t you?”

“What about the ruins? Didn’t Essek say they had some here, in the ruins? If we could find one --”

Caleb feels a flicker of hope start to burn inside of him. 

Verin opens his mouth. Closes it. Looks away, then back to them. He sighs, his expression growing grave. 

Verin steeples his fingers, a gesture so reminiscent of his brother that Caleb wants to weep. “What I am about to tell you is a great secret within our Den.” He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. “Essek was not consecuted.”

The tiny flame of Caleb’s hope, flickers and fades to ash.

“The consecution ritual -- failed, in his case,” Verin continues. “Our mother, the Umavi, she was not -- pleased. I don’t know if you are aware of how much _power_ an Umavi holds in our society, but -- she forbade us to speak of it. Commanded Essek to lie. The consequences of going against an Umavi’s wishes in this sort of matter would have been _severe_.”

Verin rubs his hand across his eyes. “So yes, Essek may well have told you that he was consecuted. To do otherwise -- if the Umavi had found out --” Verin’s mouth twists in a small, bitter smile. “Such a loss of face would enrage her. She would have made him suffer for it.”

“And if she finds out that you have told us, would she make you suffer for it?” asks Fjord.

“Perhaps,” Verin shrugs. “But I find I no longer care what she wants. My brother is dead, beyond all hope of recall.” 

_Dead_.

_Beyond all hope of recall_.

The words echo in Caleb’s head, louder than a scream.

He thinks they may never stop.


	3. Chapter 3

_a day and a half ago_

The fight had been brutal. But the body lies, unmoving, finally. 

Eadwulf’s mission is complete. 

He goes to examine the corpse --

Eadwulf blinks. Shakes his head. Did something --?

No matter. The job is done. The body, disintegrated. He has proof in his hands, the mantle of the Shadowhand, covered in the man’s own blood.

He’ll need to take an indirect route back to Astrid, to report in. But hopefully in a day or two, he’ll be home.

He _teleports_ away.


	4. Chapter 4

_two days ago_

Essek visits the barracks provided to the Mighty Nein to sleep in, to wish them luck and safe travels, to find they’ve already left. 

Hours ago, it seems. There’s no trace they spent any time in this room, aside from the furniture being pushed aside to make a clear space large enough to cast a _teleportation circle_.

_You asked them to leave_ he reminds himself. _They probably thought they were being courteous by leaving early_.

Still, Essek can’t get rid of the paranoid thought that it might be the last time he will ever see them.

*

His increased paranoia leads him to cast all manner of detection spells, many very old and obscure ones.

His diligence pays off, as he discovers the Scourger nearby, no doubt biding his time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to kill Essek. 

Essek supposes he should be flattered that they sent one so highly ranked. He recognizes this one -- not by name, but his face is known to Essek. It’s one of Ikithon’s two devoted Hands, never far from their master, except to do his bidding. They’d both attended Ikithon, when Ludinus had sent that odious man as his envoy, in Essek’s dealings with the Assembly.

Essek considers his options. It would be safest to kill the man from a distance, before he even knows he’s been detected. But Essek wants to check in with the M9 first. He suspects they will have _opinions_ on how he handles this situation. 

It’s the work of a moment to cast _scry_ , to discover where they are at the moment, if it is safe for him to reach out and talk with them. 

The spell connects, and Essek sees --

He sees --

He sees Caleb, with Ikithon’s other Hand. 

_Dancing_.

Well.

That is.

Well that just says everything, now doesn’t it.

He lets the _scry_ dissipate. And then stares sightlessly at the wall opposite, for a long time.

After a time, he straightens back up. Wipes the tears from his cheeks.

So. There will be no help from the M9, then.

Essek is alone. As he has always been.

His guilt and remorse still choke him. They may always do so. But he finds, selfishly, that confronted with the perfect opportunity to die and atone for his sins, he wants to _live_ instead.

*

_a day and a half ago_

Essek feels a vicious sense of satisfaction as his _modify memory_ takes hold of the Scourger’s mind. The man now recalls seeing Essek’s own body disintegrate, instead of seeing Essek’s simulacrum perish in battle, and then slowly melt into snow.

Essek casts _invisibility_ on himself and stays still and silent, waiting for the man to depart. 

When the Scourger finally _teleports_ away, Essek’s own bloody and dust-covered mantle in his hands as “proof” of Essek’s demise, Essek heaves a quiet sigh of relief.

*

A judicious use of _major image_ later, and half the outpost has “seen” Essek’s demise, exactly as depicted in the memory his killer now holds.

Essek hunkers down in the concealed bolthole he’d prepared, before enacting this plan. He starts going over his preparations again -- defenses against _scrying_ , against _sending_ , against any other types of detection magic he knows about. 

Now that he has time to think, he ponders the next big question.

What is he to do next?

He could tell the M9 about his continued existence. Join them in their fight against the Tombtakers. 

_As they helped you, against the Scourgers?_

A bit of time and distance have given him a bit of perspective. He doesn’t think the M9 knowingly betrayed him to the Scourgers, any more. But it is also true that he cannot rely on them. The carelessness, the thoughtlessness that he had thought charming, had excused so many times in their previous interactions -- that will get him killed. 

Essek doesn’t want to die. He wants to live. But perhaps he owes that to them, however. And if he is to die, then, wouldn’t it be nice to do so in the company of those he cares for? To see their faces, one last time?

Even if they do not care for him.

Essek also toys with the idea of simply attacking the Tombtakers himself. He likely can’t finish off Lucien, but if he could corner one or two of the man’s followers and take them out of the equation, that would help the M9, without tipping them off to Essek’s continued existence. 

Or --

Essek could simply leave. Run to one of the far corners of the world. Trust the M9 to save the day as they always do. And build a new life for himself. 

Essek takes a deep breath. Makes a decision. And then _teleports_ away.

**Author's Note:**

> So I had an idea for a ficlet, posted it, then had an idea for three more chapters, and posted those a day later. Story is complete at four chapters.


End file.
